"you're not the first thing i think about when i wake up, you're not my priority"

i wish i could scream that's how i feel about him. there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't cross my mind. is it supposed to feel like this? is it normal to still feel like he is the only person who will really understand me even after all the horible things we went through? there was a faint glint of hope that there still might be a chance and that he still loves me, but when given the opportunity to respond in a plesant way, i chose to be rude and i haven't heard from him since. i'm pretty sure... no i am absolutely positive it was for the best. i know he'll never change. i think th hardest part is that even though we aren't together, our lives and friends are so closely intertwined that i almost can't go a day without hearing his name from someone. how can i forget about someone who pops up everyday? this is pretty lame to say but i feel like i'm in New Moon. Not as depressed though. not at all. but i don't know if i can ever love someone the way i loved him and i don't think that's fair. time will tell, i guess.

p.s. can you tell i am rereading the twilight series?